Finally begining to crack

OK I think I am out of gas now, maybe its just the effect of not having the normal mood medication due to having the flu, but I feel really strange and I need some help from someone outside my present circle. My mind is clear as long as I am dealing with other matters than my own problems, which I seem to be spectacularly bad at just now. I keep getting these really odd moments when I think I can actually dig my way out of this hole the way other people do but it seems that for me that just being able to to use the abilities which I do have that are not too shabby is nowhere near enough to do the job.It is said that people rise to there own level of incompetence. I believe that I have transcended most levels of incompetency and moved to a point where I can delude myself sufficiently to go repeating the sathe  mistakes. I have no real confidence that there is any point in trying to do anything now as trying and not trying seem to have produce the same outcome. There is a message being sent to me but maybe I am simply not getting it. What makes things worse is that I can see the possibility of the way things could be and its always just that little bit out of reach.