It’s rain Jim but not as we know it. I quite like rain in the right place, and this is no doubt something genetic about being British and wet and proud of it. Drip Dry hair helps too of course.
Rain and rain and more rain
A quitter never wins, you don't say
Well maybe.That’s what Napoleon Hill said anyway. So why don’t I believe in the power of positive thinking.
OK my problem is I have done quite a bit of positive thinking over the years and I have manged to get by but I have never really been able to get comfortable, perhaps this is just the human condition.
Cyclothmia is nothing to do with the Tour De France
Cyclothymia:Â
A mood disorder and a form of bipolar disorder. It is defined in the bipolar spectrum. Specifically, this disorder is a milder form of bipolar II disorder consisting of recurrent mood disturbances between hypomania and dysthymic mood. A single episode of hypomania is sufficient to diagnose cyclothymic disorder; however, most individuals also have dysthymic periods. The diagnosis of cyclothymic disorder is never made when there is a history of mania or major depressive episode or mixed episode. The lifetime prevalence of cyclothymic disorder is 0.4-1%. The rate appears equal in men or women, though women more often seek treatment.
Cyclothymia  is also a pain in the arse and severely screws up your life…
Dysthymic phase
Difficulty making decisions; problems concentrating; poor memory recall; guilt; self-criticism; low self-esteem; pessimism; self-destructive thinking; continuously feeling sad; apathy; hopelessness; helplessness; irritable, quick temper; lack motivation; social withdrawal; appetite change; lack of sexual desire; self-neglect; fatigue or insomnia
Euphoric phase
Unusually good mood or cheerfulness (euphoria); Extreme optimism; Inflated self-esteem; Poor judgment; Rapid speech; Racing thoughts; Aggressive or hostile behavior; Being inconsiderate of others; Agitation; Increased physical activity; Risky behavior; Spending sprees; Increased drive to perform or achieve goals; Increased sexual drive; Decreased need for sleep; Tendency to be easily distracted; Inability to concentrate
Ho Hum
Stuff what dreams is made of init
Gor blimey gov, its a fair cop, strike a light. Things ain’t what they used to be thats true enough. The Elephant Shelf CD continues to be played on some specialist stations in the EU and also on local radio in the UK too. 20 or so at the moment.
Having been involved in the production of the said item one is fairly pleased. Where this will all lead ultimately is up for debate really I suppose. Its rumored that there will be some festivals to be played in 2010 and we can but hope that it works out.
The long awaited solo CD Glass Cage solo CD is shelved for the moment due my just having to spend money on car repairs so thats that for the foreseeable future. I seem to be as mad as ever, and I badly need a job of some sort sooner or later. I have no idea what I am going to be doing in 2010, buts its getting to be quite a major concern.basically my money will run out around my 53 birthday. Eek.
I do feel OK apart from the usual feeling of impending doom which is quite rational of course considering the situation. I spent today between the Piano and the PC as usual. I am working on a basic but easy to use e commerce product, a sort of shop in a box with a reasonable cost including hosting that I may be able to market to boost my meager existence with. Its almost ready to roll out and it needs the right price tag. Too cheap just won’t do it I am afraid and the wrong price means no clients at all.
What do you do after you've run away to join the circus and you end up sweeping up after the Elephants
It seemed like a good idea at the time. But the circus train is way out on the plain stuck in a one horse town and you don’t have you fair home anymore. What to do? Sweep the Elephants tent out for the last time and hitch hike, but which way is home…
Ever get really tired
Really Really tired, like when everything is just too much effort? Yep me too. Its been a difficult time over the past few months and nothing seems to have worked out on a practical basis. Every idea I have had for scratching out a living has been a complete flop and I don’t know if its simply that I am not good enough at what I do or just a sign of the times. I do feel a little bit a drift now though.
I tried reducing my anti-depressant meds dose to see if I could get a little bit more motivation but that only makes me irritable and makes my concentration worse, and its looking more and more like IÂ am going to end up filing in and office somewhere or worse to survive and the thought is rather dispiriting after all the effort I have put in to everything else, particularly over the last 2 years or so.
The main thing is I can’t work the way I used to0, my mind wanders and after a a couple of hours I have just drifted away.
Deadlines get me stressed and my mind go’s completely blank plus there is the worry about money which is becoming more and more pressing all the time too.
I played at a garden party yesterday in my ‘Delta Ladies’ incarnation. We had a great time and everyone was enjoying it and we sold some albums too, only another 112 and we break even 🙂 The house was in Lonesome lane. For the first 40 minutes of the set my mind was just completly absent, I played OK but basically on auto-pilot, by the end I was feeling more normal thank goodness though. The thing is in previous work that I have done apart from powerpoint presentations you could not do it terribly well in an altered state of consciousness, though that did happen a few times I have to admit.
Here are some pictures taken by my good friend Ralph Stephenson.
May be its because I am a Londoner
Maybe its because I’m a Londoner that I’m a psychotic paranoid lunatic
Maybe its because I’m a Londoner that I’m not safe after dark
I get a funny feeling inside of me, then I go on the prowl
Maybe its because I’m a Lunatic that I love London so….
London a perfect place for me…
As it is
Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor all these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be.
In the Vedas, in the Katha Upanisad as well as in the Svetasvatara Upanisad, it is said that the Supreme Personality of Godhead is the maintainer of innumerable living entities, in terms of their different situations according to individual work and reaction of work. That Supreme Personality of Godhead is also, by His plenary portions, alive in the heart of every living entity. Only saintly persons who can see, within and without, the same Supreme Lord, can actually attain to perfect and eternal peace.
nityo nityanam cetanas cetananam
eko bahunam yo vidadhati kaman
tam atma-stham ye ‘nupasyanti dhiras
tesam santih sasvati netaresam
(Katha 2.2.13)
The same Vedic truth given to Arjuna is given to all persons in the world who pose themselves as very learned but factually have but a poor fund of knowledge. The Lord says clearly that He Himself, Arjuna, and all the kings who are assembled on the battlefield, are eternally individual beings and that the Lord is eternally the maintainer of the individual living entities both in their conditioned as well as in their liberated situations. The Supreme Personality of Godhead is the supreme individual person, and Arjuna, the Lord’s eternal associate, and all the kings assembled there are individual, eternal persons. It is not that they did not exist as individuals in the past, and it is not that they will not remain eternal persons. Their individuality existed in the past, and their individuality will continue in the future without interruption. Therefore, there is no cause for lamentation for anyone.
The Mayavadi theory that after liberation the individual soul, separated by the covering of maya or illusion, will merge into the impersonal Brahman and lose its individual existence is not supported herein by Lord Krsna, the supreme authority. Nor is the theory that we only think of individuality in the conditioned state supported herein. Krsna clearly says herein that in the future also the individuality of the Lord and others, as it is confirmed in the Upanisads, will continue eternally. This statement of Krsna is authoritative because Krsna cannot be subject to illusion. If individuality is not a fact, then Krsna would not have stressed it so much–even for the future. The Mayavadi may argue that the individuality spoken of by Krsna is not spiritual, but material. Even accepting the argument that the individuality is material, then how can one distinguish Krsna’s individuality? Krsna affirms His individuality in the past and confirms His individuality in the future also. He has confirmed His individuality in many ways, and impersonal Brahman has been declared to be subordinate to Him. Krsna has maintained spiritual individuality all along; if He is accepted as an ordinary conditioned soul in individual consciousness, then His Bhagavad-gita has no value as authoritative scripture. A common man with all the four defects of human frailty is unable to teach that which is worth hearing. The Gita is above such literature. No mundane book compares with the Bhagavad-gita. When one accepts Krsna as an ordinary man, the Gita loses all importance. The Mayavadi argues that the plurality mentioned in this verse is conventional and that it refers to the body. But previous to this verse such a bodily conception is already condemned. After condemning the bodily conception of the living entities, how was it possible for Krsna to place a conventional proposition on the body again? Therefore, individuality is maintained on spiritual grounds and is thus confirmed by great acaryas like Sri Ramanuja and others. It is clearly mentioned in many places in the Gita that this spiritual individuality is understood by those who are devotees of the Lord. Those who are envious of Krsna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead have no bona fide access to the great literature. The nondevotee’s approach to the teachings of the Gita is something like bees licking on a bottle of honey. One cannot have a taste of honey unless one opens the bottle. Similarly, the mysticism of the Bhagavad-gita can be understood only by devotees, and no one else can taste it, as it is stated in the Fourth Chapter of the book. Nor can the Gita be touched by persons who envy the very existence of the Lord. Therefore, the Mayavadi explanation of the Gita is a most misleading presentation of the whole truth. Lord Caitanya has forbidden us to read commentations made by the Mayavadis and warns that one who takes to such an understanding of the Mayavadi philosophy loses all power to understand the real mystery of the Gita. If individuality refers to the empirical universe, then there is no need of teaching by the Lord. The plurality of the individual soul and of the Lord is an eternal fact, and it is confirmed by the Vedas as above mentioned.
More musings
Give me a home where the Buffalo roam and I will show you the house of someone that just doesn’t care.
The Quality of mercy may vary, remember other bards may be available.
No means No, but sometimes it means ‘I can’t be bothered to pick up the phone’
What happens when you run out of road?
I seem to be hitting some sort of equilibrium in the mental health stakes now, and I can almost spend more than 5 minutes working on IT stuff but I think I have to find my way in the world using other means. It seems to have taken for ever to finish the Elephant Shelf Album but at least we did it finally. I would still like to make a proper Glass Cage CD but I don’t have enough money to actually press a CD so I guess that’s not going to happen. I have been very active in making opportunity’s for live performance so I should not feel to bad about that and I have a much larger social circle.
